Common Sense and Friendships
A Quick Note Before I Start This Rant...
If one of my friends reads this thing, the ďyouĒ is general, not specific. I've been trying to explain this for years now, so here's the best I can do.
The Rant...I Mean...The Reasonably Discussed Idea.
A friend of mine mentioned the other day that I donít like anyone. She said it again yesterday, and itís been bugging me ever since.
Itís not true that I donít like everyone. There are plenty of people that I like. I simply donít hang out with the people I donít like, and those I dislike unfortunately outnumber those I do like.
Iíve been griped at before because of this, but itís an amazingly simple ideaÖif you donít like someone, donít spend time with them. Very simple, yes? But many people donít seem to grasp this concept.
Iím not bitchy, or snobbishÖIím just choosy. I choose to spend time with people who are what I consider quality. I find people that I want to emulate, and stay away from those I donít.
I dislike people who are willfully ignorant, spiteful, or just mean-spirited. I dislike liars, thieves, and violent idiots. I dislike drunkards, drug addicts, and weak-willed people. I especially dislike whiners. I figure this makes me normal, right?
So, rather than hang out with these types of people, I simply stay away from them. This seems reasonable to me, yet everyone else I know thinks this is bitchy, or rude, or hermit-ish.
I donít feel the need to be in the presence of a fool. I donít need to loudly confront anyone, or publicly cause a scene in any other way. I donít like so-and-so, and I donít have to deal with so-and-so. Why is this such an alien concept?!?!?
Itís not my job to tell a person why I donít like them. Itís not my job to point out the error of their ways. Itís also not my job to put up with so-and-so because ďthey might changeĒ, or to find some deeply buried good quality. If their good qualities outweighed the bad, I wouldnít dislike them. Why should I lie for someone elseís good opinion? If I have to lie, itís hardly worth my time.
And thatís another reason why I stay away from people I dislike. Itís not worth my time. My time is valuable to me, and there are a million things I could be doing that would enrich my life much more than a stilted, forcibly polite conversation with a person that I already know I donít get along with. I could be cleaning my toilet! I could be learning how to make lace, or reading a book!
I donít hate people that I dislike. I just donít care about them. I donít like them, theyíre not a part of my life, so I donít care. Since I donít have to put up with them, they donít bother me. If I were forced into contact with them, I probably would come to hate themÖso donít force me.
This isnít high school; I refuse to act like it is. There is no reason on Earth for me to interact socially with people I donít like. I donít understand why so many people think this is odd behavior.
Iím not making anyone ďchoose sidesĒ or decide between their friends. If a friend wants to spend time with me, great, letís go! If s/he wants to spend time with someone I dislike, dandy, Iíll be home with a book or cleaning my toilet. Itís fine. I donít care. If keeping the friendship with the person I dislike means my friend has to stop seeing meÖwell, that should call into question the other personís ďfriendshipĒ, first of allÖbut itís your choice, not mine. Whatever you choose, good luck, and if itís not me, Iíll miss you. Although, honestly, if you actually made a decision between friends, Iíd think less of you.
Iíve always thought that it should mean something to be called a friend. Those of you reading this who know me know that I differentiate between friends, friendly acquaintances, and plain old acquaintancesÖI do this for a reason. My friends should expect honesty from me, loyalty, support, and friendship. This is also what I expect from a friend. If thatís demandingÖthen quality is demanding. If you canít give honest-to-Gods friendship, then you need to downgrade me to a friendly acquaintance and let me know. Donít lie to me, itís not worth it to either of us.
I donít have many friends. This isnít because I dislike everyone, this is because I donít know many people. Maybe one in twenty of the people I know, I like. As soon as I meet more people, Iím sure Iíll like more people. Not having a huge social group doesnít bother meÖI like myself, and I can entertain myself when no one else is around. This hardly makes me a hermit, neither does it make me egotistical. Liking myself is one of the most important things I had to learn on my Pagan path, just as hard as knowing myself. Itís something everyone needs to learn, Pagan or not.
If you are my friend, donít you realize what that means? It means that I respect you, your opinion on things, and your choices. I genuinely like you, faults and all. You donít have to wonder where we stand, because Iíve been telling you all along, just by continuing our friendship. It means I think youíre a good person, and that there is something about you that I want to emulate, as well. I choose quality, and Iíve chosen you.