Common Sense and Friendships
A Quick Note Before I Start This Rant...
If one of my friends reads this thing, the “you” is general, not specific. I've been trying to explain this for years now, so here's the best I can do.
The Rant...I Mean...The Reasonably Discussed Idea.
A friend of mine mentioned the other day that I don’t like anyone. She said it again yesterday, and it’s been bugging me ever since.
It’s not true that I don’t like everyone. There are plenty of people that I like. I simply don’t hang out with the people I don’t like, and those I dislike unfortunately outnumber those I do like.
I’ve been griped at before because of this, but it’s an amazingly simple idea…if you don’t like someone, don’t spend time with them. Very simple, yes? But many people don’t seem to grasp this concept.
I’m not bitchy, or snobbish…I’m just choosy. I choose to spend time with people who are what I consider quality. I find people that I want to emulate, and stay away from those I don’t.
I dislike people who are willfully ignorant, spiteful, or just mean-spirited. I dislike liars, thieves, and violent idiots. I dislike drunkards, drug addicts, and weak-willed people. I especially dislike whiners. I figure this makes me normal, right?
So, rather than hang out with these types of people, I simply stay away from them. This seems reasonable to me, yet everyone else I know thinks this is bitchy, or rude, or hermit-ish.
I don’t feel the need to be in the presence of a fool. I don’t need to loudly confront anyone, or publicly cause a scene in any other way. I don’t like so-and-so, and I don’t have to deal with so-and-so. Why is this such an alien concept?!?!?
It’s not my job to tell a person why I don’t like them. It’s not my job to point out the error of their ways. It’s also not my job to put up with so-and-so because “they might change”, or to find some deeply buried good quality. If their good qualities outweighed the bad, I wouldn’t dislike them. Why should I lie for someone else’s good opinion? If I have to lie, it’s hardly worth my time.
And that’s another reason why I stay away from people I dislike. It’s not worth my time. My time is valuable to me, and there are a million things I could be doing that would enrich my life much more than a stilted, forcibly polite conversation with a person that I already know I don’t get along with. I could be cleaning my toilet! I could be learning how to make lace, or reading a book!
I don’t hate people that I dislike. I just don’t care about them. I don’t like them, they’re not a part of my life, so I don’t care. Since I don’t have to put up with them, they don’t bother me. If I were forced into contact with them, I probably would come to hate them…so don’t force me.
This isn’t high school; I refuse to act like it is. There is no reason on Earth for me to interact socially with people I don’t like. I don’t understand why so many people think this is odd behavior.
I’m not making anyone “choose sides” or decide between their friends. If a friend wants to spend time with me, great, let’s go! If s/he wants to spend time with someone I dislike, dandy, I’ll be home with a book or cleaning my toilet. It’s fine. I don’t care. If keeping the friendship with the person I dislike means my friend has to stop seeing me…well, that should call into question the other person’s “friendship”, first of all…but it’s your choice, not mine. Whatever you choose, good luck, and if it’s not me, I’ll miss you. Although, honestly, if you actually made a decision between friends, I’d think less of you.
I’ve always thought that it should mean something to be called a friend. Those of you reading this who know me know that I differentiate between friends, friendly acquaintances, and plain old acquaintances…I do this for a reason. My friends should expect honesty from me, loyalty, support, and friendship. This is also what I expect from a friend. If that’s demanding…then quality is demanding. If you can’t give honest-to-Gods friendship, then you need to downgrade me to a friendly acquaintance and let me know. Don’t lie to me, it’s not worth it to either of us.
I don’t have many friends. This isn’t because I dislike everyone, this is because I don’t know many people. Maybe one in twenty of the people I know, I like. As soon as I meet more people, I’m sure I’ll like more people. Not having a huge social group doesn’t bother me…I like myself, and I can entertain myself when no one else is around. This hardly makes me a hermit, neither does it make me egotistical. Liking myself is one of the most important things I had to learn on my Pagan path, just as hard as knowing myself. It’s something everyone needs to learn, Pagan or not.
If you are my friend, don’t you realize what that means? It means that I respect you, your opinion on things, and your choices. I genuinely like you, faults and all. You don’t have to wonder where we stand, because I’ve been telling you all along, just by continuing our friendship. It means I think you’re a good person, and that there is something about you that I want to emulate, as well. I choose quality, and I’ve chosen you.
